The 4 Attachment Styles (and How They Show Up in Your Relationships)

Your attachment style is formed in childhood based on how your caregivers responded to your emotional needs. These early interactions laid the foundation for how you view love, intimacy, and connection as an adult.

1. Secure Attachment

People with secure attachment feel comfortable with closeness and independence. They trust easily, communicate openly, and can navigate conflict without emotional chaos.

Secure behaviors:

• Trust their partner without fear of abandonment

• Can express needs without guilt

• Handle rejection without spiraling

If this is you—amazing. But if this isn’t you, don’t worry. Most people don’t start out with secure attachment, especially if they experienced trauma, neglect, or inconsistent love growing up.

2. Anxious Attachment

People with anxious attachment often crave deep connection but fear abandonment. They tend to overanalyze, over-give, and feel emotionally unstable when they sense distance in their relationship.

Common signs:

• You constantly worry your partner will leave you

• You need a lot of reassurance to feel safe

• You put your partner’s needs above your own—often to your own detriment

Sound familiar? You’re not needy—you’re triggered. And healing is possible.

3. Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant individuals value independence so strongly that intimacy can feel threatening. They tend to shut down when things get too close or emotionally intense.

What this looks like:

• You feel smothered or overwhelmed by emotional needs

• You struggle to express feelings or be vulnerable

• You push people away, especially when things get serious

If you’ve been told you have “walls” or seem emotionally unavailable, this may be your pattern—and it’s rooted in a need for self-protection.

4. Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized) Attachment

This is the trickiest and most painful style. It’s a mix of anxious and avoidant. You want love deeply, but you don’t trust it. You might find yourself pulling someone close, only to push them away when things feel too intense.

Common behaviors:

• You’re drawn to intense, often chaotic relationships

• You feel unsafe in closeness and in distance

• You struggle with trust, emotional regulation, and self-worth

This style is often the result of unresolved trauma. If this sounds like you, your nervous system is likely in a constant fight-or-flight mode when it comes to love.

Why Your Attachment Style Might Be Unhealthy

Unhealthy attachment styles aren’t a character flaw—they’re a survival strategy. They developed in response to environments where your emotional needs weren’t consistently met.

The problem is, these styles often play out subconsciously in your adult relationships. You might find yourself choosing the same emotionally unavailable partner over and over again, or staying in relationships that hurt because deep down, you believe that’s all you deserve.

You might feel stuck in patterns like:

• Settling for breadcrumbs because you fear being alone

• Giving too much, too soon, hoping it will make someone stay

• Feeling numb, disconnected, or uninterested in healthy partners

• Getting overwhelmed and running the minute someone gets close

Sound familiar? You’re not broken. You’re repeating a pattern your nervous system thinks is safe—even if it’s painful.

The Good News: Attachment Styles Can Be Healed

Here’s the truth most people don’t realize: your attachment style is not permanent. It’s a reflection of your past—not your future.

By working with a therapist who understands the deeper subconscious roots of your patterns (yes, that’s what I do), you can rewire your emotional responses and create new, healthy ways of relating. You can learn to trust yourself, set boundaries without guilt, and open up to love without fear.

Ready to Heal Your Attachment Style and Attract Healthier Love?

If you’re tired of repeating the same painful patterns in your relationships, there’s a way out. I specialize in helping high-achieving women and single moms heal from toxic relationships, rebuild their self-worth, and create the loving, emotionally safe relationships they truly deserve.

You don’t have to keep guessing why things aren’t working. You don’t have to keep settling. And you definitely don’t have to do this alone.

Let’s talk.

Book a free clarity call today and take the first step toward the healthy, fulfilling love you’re worthy of.